I‘m not the bill to photograph for small business expense tracking, says Ollie’s friend

Ollie takes Bill out for lunch, but when he says cheese’, it’s not what Bill was expecting…

For the third time during their meal Ollie jumped up and ran around the table, phone in his outstretched hand. Crouching beside his friend he said ‘smile’ and took a selfie of them before returning to his seat.

“Can’t we just enjoy the meal without all the photography?” asked Bill. “You’re giving me indigestion.”

“Not my fault,” said Ollie, easing his spoon into the crust on the apple pie and watching the melting ice cream ooze beneath it. “There was a memo.”

Bill furrowed his brow. “A memo? What memo?”

“The one talking about expenses, and saying that we had to photograph Bill as part of the expenses claim using this small business expense tracking app. I suppose it’s to prove that you were here, and not a figment of my imagination. Or an attempt at fraud.”

Putting down his spoon and squeezing the bridge of his nose, Bill sighed. “I can’t work out how you’ve reached the age you have, and learned to drive, and even become a father, without the merest grain of common sense. Or the ability to read memos properly,” he said. “I’m not the bill you’re supposed to photograph, fool. It’s the one they’ll give you when we pay. I would have thought a child of seven could work that out. In fact, the ExpenseOnDemand small business expense tracking app is so simple that a child of seven could operate it better than you!”

Ollie beamed the broadest of broad smiles and pointed at Bill with his spoon. “Gotcha!” he said, gleefully. “I was wondering how long it would be before you took the bait.

Of course I read the memo, and of course, I know how the expense management app works. I even met the woman who owns the company and brought the app to market, as it goes, back in the day.

“The trouble with you is,” he went on, through a mouthful of apple pie, “that you’re good at doing unexpected things to other people, but not so good when the tables are turned, and other people do them to you.”

Bill smiled and threw up his hands in mock horror. “Guilty as charged,” he said. “So, you read the memo, and you know how ExpenseOnDemand works?”

“Naturally,” said Ollie. “Intuitive, accurate and effective smartphone app. Used by clients in more than 90 countries. Extremely good value for money in the operation. Totally bespoke. Loads of features to add or delete as it suits you. Works in multiple currencies. Do you fancy a coffee?”

“Depends,” said Bill. “If you promise not to photograph me drinking it, I’ll have a latte, please.”