20 Sure signs that you need a holiday

This blog is not for the lucky, lucky people who have two, three or even four holidays booked ahead. If that’s you, look away now. No, we’re talking to you, the people whose bookings exist only in their head; who not only haven’t been away since the year before goodness knows when, but also have no idea when they’ll next get away to rest, relax and recharge.

Holidays are like a Chinese meal. No sooner have you had one, than you’re ready for the next. And the menu is equally long and tempting. Beach or city? Hot or cold? Abroad or at home? The list seems to be endless.

Whilst we all dream about swapping the humdrum for the high-life to a greater or lesser extent, some of us are more in need than others. Read though our list; the more questions you answer with a resounding ‘Yes!’, the more ready you are to get away. Start working out how you’re going to afford it. (but if you’re in a shared office, best keep your voice down, and go for a few tiny fist pumps instead).

1. Do you crave coconut water straight out of the nut? Or a restaurant table on a sandy beach? Or pad thai, beer with an unpronounceable name, or anything else in the food and drink line that’s just not available where you live?

2. Do you find yourself getting odd looks from restaurant staff because you’re eating sticky rice with your fingers?

3. Do you have a link to a seaside webcam in your computer’s favourites folder, and find yourself clicking on it every few minutes?

4. Is your passport picture so old that you look like one of your son’s schoolfriends?

5. Have you forgotten where your suitcases are? (though you’re pretty sure you have some somewhere).

6. Is the only ice in your life in the freezer and on the car windscreen?

7. Do you find your mind playing tricks, and that you’re imagining your boss is wearing a grass skirt and a garland of flowers with his shirt, tie, and those scruffy black shoes he hasn’t polished for months? (Why doesn’t he take more care of his appearance, for Pete’s sake?)

8. Are you getting too tetchy with colleagues, and rehearsing arguments with them in your head? (Especially about cleaning their shoes).

9. Do you ever wonder why Asda doesn’t stock banana leaves?

10. Do you findWorking Balance yourself losing the plot of Death in Paradise on TV because you’re too busy looking at the Caribbean scenery in the back of every shot?

11. Are you constantly tired, even though you’ve been up for only an hour having slept for eight?

12. Do you find your motivation for even the simplest of work tasks has faded further than the tan you got the last time you had a holiday? (Whenever that was).

13. Do you keep trying on summer clothes you already know don’t fit, find that they still don’t fit, and make yourself feel better about it by eating another chocolate éclair?

14. Do you find yourself wanting to haggle with the stallholders on your local market, as if you’re in some exotic bazaar?

15. Do you find yourself sneaking home from work a little early because you don’t want to be late at both ends of the day?

16. Do you know precisely how many work days you have to endure before the next bank holiday? (Having mentally crossed off ‘today’ as soon as you get out of bed).

17. Do you avoid conversations with anyone who has just had and kind of break, from a fortnight in Barbados to a long weekend in Llandudno?

18. Are you drinking far more Retsina, blue Curacao or Limoncello than your liver thinks is a good idea?
19. Having read number 18, are you now planning to stop on the way home to buy more Retsina, blue Curacao and Limoncello?
Life Balance
20. Has number 19 given you the idea of getting some falafel and pitta bread too, or a tagine, to create some kind of Moroccan culinary vibe? (Because even if you don’t much care for Moroccan food, you’ll be hanged if you’ll eat something-with-chips in the pub for dinner. Again).

Feel a bit better now? OK; there’s just time for another sneaky peek at the holiday webcam and a couple of tagine recipes, and then it’s back to work for a bit. And keep your head down, because Zara from Accounts is on the horizon again flashing those tanned legs against that white skirt. Don’t look, don’t look, don’t give her the satisfaction…